WHAT IS THIS I DON'T EVEN

fher43:

shock777:

fher43:

shock777:

I didn’t want it interfering with my relationship with Christ cause I’m so lonely and my heart is easily swayed. But I came back to it for attention and for some sort of fulfillment because completely depriving myself was killing me and making me into a legalistic “all romance is bad forever and…

I think everyone goes through that. However, YOU DO DESERVE PRAISE. Don’t you dare think otherwise or help me God I’ll stalk you and go to your home and knock on your door and offer pizza and ice cream because they make me feel better and i wanna see if they help you too >.<

I know… It’s a healthy desire to want to be noticed and loved and stuff… I guess I just have such a low self esteem rate that I just don’t think I deserve any or that any I receive is out of Ill intent. I don’t trust myself or like myself. I always feel impatient with myself. Idk how to explain. I don’t wanna be me half the time

Imma tell you this crazy story: 

One day, as i scrolled through Tumblr’s NaruHina tag, i found this awesome person with Lee’s icon.

I read some of your stuff, and laughed so hard with a post you made. I was crying of laughter. So i thought you were pretty awesome, and i clicked Follow.

When i went through my dash, i always found the most cool and amazing and humorous posts and anon questions ever. 

And i thought to myself, Man i really wish to be like her. She’s so funny and her personality is just so great ^.^ Not to add that she was such a great artist, something i can’t do to save my life, haha.

The thing is, I wanted to be you. So why don’t you want to be yourself?

;_; I’m too hard on myself that’s why…. I have such grace and love for others but none for me.. Maybe it’s how I was raised. I had an abusive step dad and a neglectful mother. The only place of peace I had was with my grandmother and she died this year. Thank God I know God- he has been here with me more than anyone else ever has been. I know I have good points. I know I am loved and beautiful and talented and I am a good person. I’m imperfect. I’m human. I guess I have high standards for myself. Idk

So, as a sister in Christ, let's stay strong together, until we both can give up these things fully and be whole in Him. I'm truly here if you need anything!

I just.. Ppl tell me that God can fulfill all desires in my heart. I know that is true and I believe it wholeheartedly it’s just.. so why isn’t it working? When I press into god I guess it doesn’t come “immediately” and so I get impatient. It’s so dumb. I know. I’m just being a consumeristic Christian who wants things now now now. And I know that. So I tell at myself and blame myself and shame myself and I beat myself down to the bottom of the bottom and then I’m not motivated to try again. It’s a vicious cycle. I am being a brat. I’m that kid who can’t have their dessert when they want it so they go trying to get it somewhere else and when that doesn’t work they get punished and then sit- unfulfilled and now in trouble.

Idk how to explain what goes on in my brain. I am just being stupid and I know it I just feel ugh. I know better. I really do know better but I do things anyway and then I don’t get punished but I punish myself and it’s like I have an abusive parent in my mind yelling at me all the time. I’m a 3 year old in a 21 year old body.

fher43:

shock777:

I didn’t want it interfering with my relationship with Christ cause I’m so lonely and my heart is easily swayed. But I came back to it for attention and for some sort of fulfillment because completely depriving myself was killing me and making me into a legalistic “all romance is bad forever and…

I think everyone goes through that. However, YOU DO DESERVE PRAISE. Don’t you dare think otherwise or help me God I’ll stalk you and go to your home and knock on your door and offer pizza and ice cream because they make me feel better and i wanna see if they help you too >.<

I know… It’s a healthy desire to want to be noticed and loved and stuff… I guess I just have such a low self esteem rate that I just don’t think I deserve any or that any I receive is out of Ill intent. I don’t trust myself or like myself. I always feel impatient with myself. Idk how to explain. I don’t wanna be me half the time

He’s not perfect. You aren’t either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can. He isn’t going to quote poetry, he’s not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break. Don’t hurt him, don’t change him, and don’t expect for more than he can give. Don’t analyze. Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he’s not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect guys don’t exist, but there’s always one guy that is perfect for you.
Bob Marley (via vangoe)
thatpartwhereiart:

I don’t think you understand how much money I’ve spent on office supplies.

thatpartwhereiart:

I don’t think you understand how much money I’ve spent on office supplies.

I gave up shipping a long time ago.

I didn’t want it interfering with my relationship with Christ cause I’m so lonely and my heart is easily swayed. But I came back to it for attention and for some sort of fulfillment because completely depriving myself was killing me and making me into a legalistic “all romance is bad forever and ever” person.

There’s nothing wrong with having OTP’s and all that… But idk… I want people to like me.. I want attention.. I have desires and I want them met. Ultimately I know that these are found in Christ alone but I keep going to cheap knock offs and going about it all wrong.. What do I do now? What do I do?

I just.. Lord help me I am a wreck and I’m so childish and I’m addicted to attention and praise from others because I don’t feel worthy on my own.

It’s all empty

It’s just… Ugh an empty cry for help. I want to be fulfilled and nothing is filling that hole I feel. Jesus I just need u so why aren’t u here right now? Oh no.. It’s my fault. I’m not doing the right things. I don’t put too much effort into you. I guess I am to blame for everything. This is how I feel every single day.

SENPAI IM HERE FOR U

Thank u kohai ;_;

I tend to see a trend, Alex Shock.... You upload a lot of fandom/OTP things, right? We adore them, but truth is, we all move on after upvoting. Whether we know it or not, everyone's searching for satisfaction in something. I'm glad you enjoy providing that satisfaction for people, but at what point does it become a substitution to the things that really matter in your life, like faith or family? That's what that drawing said to me: "I want to escape this." U HAVE HOPE & pls don't ever forget. <3
Anonymous

Thanks. And that is what I struggle with. Like ugh. I just want..idk I’m struggling